Slow or not slow? It shouldn't be the question.

I made a deal with myself that I would only blog after a long run. Not that every blog with be about long runs, it's just I want to have earned my moment to rant. It has obviously been awhile since I had a long run. After my las successful 8 miler I had numerous events pop up that made me miss my long runs. The weather, the stomach flu, obligations...all tiny little reasons that I didn't meet my goals. I was truly hard on myself too. I felt really guilty. I am also doing an Ab challenge with some friends and I haven't staid steady with that either. I excel with peer pressure and usually slack off on my own free will. Thank goodness I belong to a running club or I would probably gain all the weight I have lost. :)

Seriously, during my long run I was plagued by how much I have failed the past few weeks. My brain kept focusing on all I had done wrong. My 8 mile was going horribly. I had a cramp in my hip area and I could feel the blisters before they had even formed. My running partner is typically a tiny bit faster than I but this day she was speedy gonzo and I gave her the thumbs to leave me in her dust. On the turn around the clouds started rolling in. I was four miles from my car and the rain was so close I could smell it. Now, I will talk about my faith a lot in these rants of mine because God sort of made me and all so I invite him along my quirky twisted path. He and I get a lot of Time Ins while I run. I say my pace is slower than a ten because God likes his time with me, lol. Could be true right? Well, mile four he had my attention. "Please, God! I am wearing a white tank top! Don't let it rain!" Anxiety leaned in a bit and I prayed, "Don't leave me alone. let me catch up with My Granola friend or send me a new partner." This didn't occur, but suddenly I had a new running partner. myself. Maybe I go a little crazy during long runs. I dunno but the wiser me, the one who doesn't get a say most of the time started talking to the dummer me. Smart me said, "Stop letting negative thoughts own you. Ok, you aren't speedy gonzo but you are not on the couch anymore! No you didn't long run, but you have been running four miles three times a week and when the weather sucked you got on the treadmill! And you are terrified of treadmills." The dumb me battled the smart me. I do see that as much as I have failed I have succeeded. I have lost some small battles but I have won even bigger ones.

The head chicka in my running group made a new rule that none of us can call ourselves slow. My first thought was, "that applies to the 11 min pacers not the would be swept at official run pacers." This is true! The smart me knows that if you run you are a runner. The dumb me still thinks I am a looser.

Then today I was a church and the pastor I swear he spoke right to me. He started talking about how Jesus only preached for three years. My mind reeled. I know he was a carpenter and grew up poor but I thought he preached for a long time. He is infamous, his teachings so profound even non believers are impressed by his philosophies. Three years...and he is a household name. His life was in some sense of the word profoundly ordinary. God lived the way to show us that we simple, lazy, over eaters can conquer ourselves and impact the world. So the point my fellow awkward athletes is this....you don't have to be the speedy gonzo you just have to make sure you get out there. Sweat! Work hard! Enjoy! Please listen to the smart you that says things like, "yes, you can." "This is my journey not theirs." "I don't have to follow your path because God means for me to be on a different one." The big ahah moment hit me. God's purpose for me might not be to run a half in record time. This doesn't mean I shouldn't set healthy goals and reach for them, it just means I got to keep this in perspective. I am not a slow runner, I am Val. A mother, a military wife, a Sunday school teacher, a student, a wanna be photographer, and yes a runner. The smart me has to win this battle. Okay readers..if I have any....this week run a mile for me. Run it and tell yourself that God made you just right and whatever your time is be proud of it, because you did it. You ran. Not every body can say that, but you can. Peace out Corn Dawg. :)